Had a bit of a scare last night. As the wife and I were laying in bed, her asleep, I  was reading, I heard a slight noise at the door the opens to the back yard off of our bedroom. As I listened, it grew into a thumping sound, like someone knocking, trying to scare us.

Let me stop for a moment to outline my state of paranoia. “They” are out to get me. Not sure who “they” are, but one of them is Murphy, and his stupid law. Pretty sure the government is in on it a well. And the weatherman, he screws my day up from time to time, pretty sure it is intentional. Add in the fact that I worked in electronic security in the US Air Force, and carried a Top Secret Clearance at the time, I am a bit more paranoid than most. A bit…. Every night I check to make sure the doors are locked. I walk the house after everyone is asleep to check on things. I know that my house sits less than a mile from, shall we say, less desirable neighborhoods, places the local sheriff’s drive through on a regular basis. I’ve had things disappear from my vehicle as well as from my front porch.

In short, I’m always a little keyed up. Back to the story:

A noise at my side door at midnight sets me in motion. Quickly. Stupid pitbull didn’t hear it. What IS it? A glance at the wife showed me she was still asleep. I’m on my own.

I start to move. Instead of just opening the door, I’ll head circle through the house to the front door, go to the side gate, and catch whatever it is from behind. A tactical move. The dog didn’t key in on anything up front, so that way is clear.

Throw on some shorts. I’ll be going outside.
I get my pistol, slide it into my pocket.
I hook my Mora knife in the corner of my pocket. I realize this may cause an issue in the event I need to draw, and adjust, checking I can access both without issue, all while moving towards the front door.
I grabbed a flashlight, the 220 lumen one that will blind anything, giving me a momentary edge.
As I reach the front door to  slip outside, I see a walking stick made from the butt end of an Australian pine, a nice walking stick, but a nicer club. I grab it, shifting the light to my left hand.
From laying in my bed and hearing the initial noise to ready to go at the front door, about 45 seconds.
So I slipped around the front of the house, flashlight in my left hand, pistol in my pocket, knife hanging from my hip, club in hand. I eased open the side gate, and saw…nothing but the trash cans. They blocked my view of the bottom of the door. Crap!

I eased around the cans and saw the intruder.

A large toad. Probably not a bufo (I think it was a “Southern Toad”), but by my WV standards, pretty big. It seems the rain had driven some ants out of their nest, and they were moving across the trim on the side of my door. The toad was systematically picking them off as they would move into the open on the face of the door, thus the sounds I had heard. The toad was actually on MY side! Since we do not use any chemicals to treat insects (a MAJOR problem in a place with no frost), we tend to have to rely on more natural methods of pest control – chickens, ducks, ladybugs…and now toads.

Moving him away from the door (so I could sleep!), I left him alone to go on his merry way.

And when I came back to bed, the wife had never moved…she slept through the entire episode.

—————

Since I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a bufo, and I know my dog won’t bother any animal on the ground (squirrels and people are another matter), I was ok with leaving it alone. Bufo toads on the other hand carry a toxin that can kill a dog. Bufos were introduced to Florida in the 30’s in order to help control pests in sugar cane fields. It wasn’t long until they were deemed a nuisance, and even had a bounty placed on them for a while. Man trying to control Mother Nature gone astray yet again.

I read this from a Tampa website, TBO.com

Since the toads are a non-native species, they can be dispatched with extreme prejudice.

Wildlife experts say there are several ways to do that. The most humane ways are to pop them into a plastic bag and then put them in a freezer for a couple of days or smack them with a shovel.

On a side note: I don’t want anyone to EVER say I’m cruel in the way I dispatch my rabbits if someone can publicly state “The most humane ways are to…put them in a freezer … or smack them with a shovel.”

Smack them with a shovel is humane? I bet THAT would curb crime if the folks on death row were sentenced to death by that method!

Sorry, tangent.

So yes, I was spooked by a sound outside that I armed myself to do battle against in the middle of the night….and it turned out to just be a toad. In retrospect, I should have woke the wife up to let her know what was going on. I suppose my subconscious knew it was nothing major, and I go out back to chase off possums from time to time without her knowledge….but thinking about it now, for the future, she gets to lose sleep just like I do – if I’m going out to check, she should be awake as a second line of defense.

remember, I said I was more paranoid than most….

The moral of the story?

Call first if you are coming to my house after dark.

Peace
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