Every year for the last five or six years, we’ve spent the week of Thanksgiving, from Monday before to the following Sunday, in West Virginia with some good friends and family. We play cards, laugh, reminisce, and tell lies like all friends do with each other. On Friday, we’d go into town and see the latest movie release, usually something with young wizards or sparkly vampires.
And the whole week, I get to spend time in the woods, as it is what I refer to as the West Virginia state holiday, deer season. A deer a day is the limit, and most years that’s pretty easy to do. I get to reconnect with my past, and dream of my future, in those hills that never leave my heart or stray far from my thoughts.
Today marks the first Thanksgiving that I’ve not been in West Virginia for that week. For a multitude of reasons, we didn’t make the trip this year. Partly due to finances, partly due to poor timing with my wife’s job. And partly because every time I cross over the state line heading south out of West Virginia, I leave a little piece of me behind.
Earlier this year, my wife and I again discussed relocating. At one point, we actually were actively packing up to relocate. Then the economy turned south, the bottom fell out of the real estate market, and we were stuck in place with a house that we owed far more than it was worth. Fast forwarding several years finds us in a more stable job market, my wife being firmly entrenched into a job that she loves and, we feel, loves her. I am stumbling along better than most in my job, with no complaints, other than how cold the water can get (I dive for a living right now).
The short version is that we are here to stay, at least for now. Writing this is forcing me to admit that I probably will never again live in West Virginia. As much as I love that place, I love my wife more, and her happiness is more important to me than my desire to live there.
I keep telling myself that not being able to go this year will make me unhappy. In truth, I know that NOT going will actually make me less unhappy than going. I won’t get the crisp air in my lungs. I won’t see the gray hills with rims of evergreens along the ridges. I will miss having Oliviero peppers or the taste of pepperoni rolls (NOT Paleo, btw!). But in not experiencing these things, I also won’t have to turn my back on them for another 51 weeks, having a tantalizing taste of my dream, only to be forced to walk away from it yet again.
So if I’m a little grumpy(“er”, my wife would make me say), don’t take it personally. I’m just facing the reality of not allowing myself to visit my dream. Dealing with an unwanted reality can seriously suck, and right now that’s what I’m doing. I’m sure I’ll be alright, I always am. And that’s a part of human nature, to adjust the circumstances, or learn to live with them.
If you run into me, don’t try to buy me a beer, I won’t drink it. Don’t offer me condolences, I honestly don’t need them. If you want to cheer me up, ask me about driving twisting mountain roads on clear mountain morning, or listening to the bay of a treeing coon hound across a foggy ridge, or that sulphurous, garlicy taste of the first ramp of the season, or the smell of freshly dug sassafras roots and their root beer like taste, or how a passing stranger will wave at you like you were long lost friends.
Ask me about those things, and I’m sure my black mood will lift a bit as I speak of things buried deep in my heart forever.
And this Friday, instead of a road trip to watch a movie, I’m going to start a new tradition, one based in Florida, hopefully one that starts a new batch of fond memories.
I’ll go back to West Virginia again, I’m sure. I’ll probably even go back for deer season next year. But for now, I need to refocus my life towards learning to live HERE. Because while “home is where the heart is” is true, is also makes living where the heart isn’t hard to deal with day-to-day. It’s time for me to step away from my West Virginia dreams and learn to love living in Florida. (Isn’t THAT a hell of a statement?)
Home IS where the heart is…and my heart is with my wife, so here I stay.
Have a great day, smile at a stranger, even wave. You might make someone feel a little better about where they are.
Peace,
db
Bummer…..Thanksgiving in Florida……so you will have to knock down a coconut…..insert a straw…..(Gary says make it a Pina Colata)……eat yummy paleo dishs we have been searching far and wide for to surprise you…….snack on dehydrated veggies (dehydrated in your dehydrator – thanks!!!)…….and if you get too full you can work off some of the goodies by helping me plant all of the herbs I purchased at Heathcote’s plant sale!…….and then graze in the garden……..Thanksgiving in Florida…….why don’t you go hunting for our turkey….now that would be fun! lol
Not saying I won’t enjoy the day, I will. And I know Florida isn’t a horrible place…but I know what it isn’t. I’ll live, more than likely 🙂
And I had someone call me a month or so ago to tell me they felt obligated to make a turkey for me, so I suppose I did hunt for it, somewhat…at least provided it without shopping for it myself….should count for something, self-sufficiency-wise at least!
You just made my eyes sting with those darn things called tears….again. I had no idea that you all were actually in the process of packing up to move at some point. That would be very crushing to have that plan not follow through. It shows how much you love Liz and how important her happiness is to you for you to not continue to make this your plan. However, I have to say that you never know what the future holds. Ahem….I think I am DEFINITELY someone that can say this!!!!
At least you are in a beautiful town. There are days that I miss being there. I miss the palm trees, seeing dolphins swim while walking the Roosevelt Bridge, Bathtub Beach (where our cars were robbed twice!), sunsets on the water, Publix carrot cake, preparing for hurricanes (ok…just kidding with that one :), all of the great friends.
But, the mountains are my home. After a trip to the NC coast, the feeling of seeing the mountains is indescribable. I’ve even imagined clouds were the mountain tops in desperation of wanting to be back home on a return trip from Topsail, NC. We were quite sleep deprived that time!
So, when I head out to get my Thanksgiving Day supplies today, I’ll wave and smile at strangers….which I do every day anyway 🙂
You understand…. (And happen to be living my life btw!)
Give that family of yours lots of love and hugs from your “Florida cousins” 🙂
I would say again you missed your calling in writing, But I guess I can’t say that because here you are writing…:-) Great post. Glad your coming to terms with it.
Steph and I went to Tenn for about 8 months and although she never really complained I could see it on her face that she didn’t really like it. And when I told her we had a chance to come back to FL, she was ecstatic.
And a creed I live by….”When Momma’s happy everybody’s happy” 😀
I go by “Happy Wife -Happy Life”. It works very well.
This touches a chord. My husband grew up in nowhere, West Virginia, and he still misses that little valley homestead something fierce. Economically, the state is a mess. But he’d take us back there in a heartbeat if he could make it work. We’ll see what the future brings… for now, there are worse things than having to make the best of being in Florida!
I agree, being here isn’t horrible…its just not where I thought I’d be at this stage in my life. I know that’s how it goes….just frustrating at times.
Come out and camp with us and pretend you are in West Virginia. You would still be around friends and family. We already know your stories. (They all make you sound amazing a.k.a. lies) make some new traditions and honor old ones. We would love to have you and your family out there. We are gonna shoot some guns, ride some 4-wheelers, play horseshoes and cornhole, and eat like kings. We have deer meat (garlic tasting if you would like) and pigs to cook. Need a rabbit still. The weather will be perfect and at some points you will still experience that crisp air in your lungs. If you drive in from the south side, it is somewhat a winding country dirt road.
If u choose not to, you and your family have a wonderful thanksgiving.
Thanks friend. You may just see us.